An Ordeal Called Driving License

This is a very personal topic for many of you, a journey with lot of memmories, an test of faith and skill. It is a night mare for every new resident in the emirate, the long wait, the unending classes, the stress of loosing a test, the wait for the next test etc. Those who got it first pride it like an achievement, those who are in the process recalls the nightmares, very few are lucky enough to be not bothered by it.

Some make it in the first test, some make it in three, others are still trying even after 10 tests. It has become an expensive affair too, the blessed ones are lucky to finish it with 1K, others have spend 3K and the cursed on who have crossed the 10 test mark are heard of spending 8-10K. it looks so silly to have to spend this much on a license.

But this is actually a control mechanism to limit traffic in the emirate, because every license is a car or maybe even two. So the number of license is directly propotional to the number of cars on the road. But it becomes a very stressful experience making every move and action doubtful.

So many people have learned so many additional skills from the experience like
Basic arabic language (left, right, u turn, stop, change lane etc.)
The value of time
The skill of patience and persistence.
Competative spirit etc.

Since iam a survivor (first test license holder), i have made it a habit to enquire about others count and emphasize on my superiority, which is upto scrutiny as i have applied under the automatic section (ladies license).

Last heard it is going to get tougher and more exclusive as it has been declared a luxury prohibiting close to a 100 Different professions from taking a license. So the drivers are going to be amore exclusive class with superior skills like driving, parking, overtaking etc and a day might come when a driver gets paid more than other professions.

Personal experiences and winning techniques are invited for prospective license test takers knowledge.

A Nameless World

It is not often that you stumble upon some thing silly and when you think about them they don't remain silly any more. Yesterday as i was filling up a very irritating questionnaire i came across these options in the name section, SURNAME, FIRST NAME, GIVEN NAMES, LAST NAME etc. doesn't this sound very familiar, yes it is also there in the passport next to your unidentifiable, old photo(which always turns out to be your worst one too).

Why do we need so many names and what are the difference between them, as far as i know we all have only one name, which we are popularly known by. The name confusion doesn't end here also, there are more type of name than these like pet name, good name, bad name, AKA (known as), scientific name (doesn't concern us hopefully), code name etc.

Like Shakespeare said in Juliet:"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." But i am not with him here what if Himesh Reshamiya and Shah Rukh Khan had their name exchanged. How would it be to hear "hey look at himesh's six pack ab, he is so handsome wow " impossible we cant even imagine that.(apologies to all those HR fans mesmerized by his nasal code skills). Example 2 what if Dhoni was called Shreeshanth and vice versa would he have ever made it to the captaincy, don't think so. So conclusively name has a big role to play in a persons success.

So back to where we began definitions of the various names (i am sure many of you are a confused lot like me)

Surname- The name of the family to which a person belongs. In the so-called Western Civilization the surname appears last; in Asian cultures the surname usually appears first.

First Name- The name chosen for a person by his or her parents.

Given Name- A given name is a personal name that specifies and differentiates between members of a group of individuals, especially in a family, all of whose members usually share the same family name (surname).

Last Name- A family name or last name is a type of surname and part of a person's name indicating the family to which the person belongs.

The more you look into it, the more confusing it can be, we are lucky that we have to use them only for questionnaire's and forms.

Introducing a Guest Blogger

The secret is finally out, no it is not me who is writing all the content on the blog, that is if you consider all the copied articles and inspired ideas i hardly write at all. We have a new author whose aim in life is to change the world (that's after he makes his first billion).

He has a knack with devising new theories, raising controversial political statements and questioning the norms of the society. So if you come across any disheartening material on the blog, he is the one to blame.

A consultant by profession, self proclaimed intellectual (something we share) and a risk taker in all means of life. If any one of you have experienced Cheeky Chandu on Krithika's show in 101.6 ( for all non Dubaiwallas 101.6 is a popular Indian Radio frequency in the emirate and Krithika is a highly popular RJ for the morning show and Cheeky Chandu is her cynical, satirical and truly hilarious guest speaker), he will be the Cheeky Chandu for our blog.

Like they say before a movie starts "All character's in this blog are fictional and any resemblance to any one dead or alive is purely coincidental and we do not mean any harm to any one"

So next time you see a post check the author at the bottom before cursing the person and his strange ideas.

P.S The title of the blog has been creatively copied from one of his original ideas

Cow Economics

Something that I came across on the Chain Mail,

SOCIALISM:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

NAZISM (Hitler's philosophy):You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you on the head.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION:You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

BRITISH CORPORATION:You have two cows. Both are mad.

LEBANESE SYSTEM:You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.

EGYPTIAN SYSTEM:You have two cows. Both vote for Mubarak.

DUBAI SYSTEM:You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a ' Cow City ' or ' Milk Village ' for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to re -sell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract media attention.

SHARJAH SYSTEM:You have two cows. You sell them to an investor in Dubai . The cows get stuck in traffic between Sharjah to Dubai and die.

ABUDHABI SYSTEM:You have two cows. So what? We have Oil!

Abraham Lincoln's Letter to His Son's Teacher

"He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just and are not true. But teach him if you can, the wonder of books. But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hillside.

In school & life, teach him it is far more honorable to fall than to cheat.....

Teach to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him he is wrong.

Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough with the tough.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone getting on the bandwagon...

Teach him to listen to all men; but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth, and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad... Teach him there is no shame in tears.

Teach him to scoff at cynics and to be beware of too much sweetness.. Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to highest bidders, but never to put a price on his heart and soul. Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob.. and stand and fight if thinks he is right.

Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be impatient.. Let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will have faith in humankind.

This is a big order, but see what you can do. . He is such a fine little fellow my son!

- Abraham Lincoln

If By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to,broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Global Recession for Dummies

The most popular topic of discussion list has been topped by global recession for the last few weeks in every known social circles. We have been bombarded with technical terms like recession, sub prime crisis, Repo Rate, CRR, which sounds very confusing and threatening. To add to the confusion, share market crashes world over, highly fluctuating currency rates, unending downsizing reports, mammoth banks closing shop, countries begging for funding, crude oil rates plummeting (that sounds good in last three months the price has come down from 148$ to 52 $ today). So where did things go wrong, why did one fine morning things started going out of control and as far as i know this is just the tip of an ice berg which will last for another year or two. So with my simple understanding let me put the crisis into simple points in the order of occurrence

• Markets are steady and strong, banks are doing fine, people are happy.



• Banks decide it is OK to lend money to any one who applies (high risk customers) so people started buying properties, credit card funded extravaganza, big cars etc.



• This excess liquidity (money) started funding a shopping extravaganza, people went on shopping sprees buying over priced unnecessary products.



• This promoted manufacturing in Asian economies like China, India, Japan etc. New manufacturers entered the race targeting the newly created demand.



• The US banks have a provision for refinancing a property loan as and when the property prices increase, so the high risk customers started re financing property to pay installments on home loans and credit cards to stay away from trouble.



• This is when the basic market forces came into action, when anything is supplied to market more than the requirement, its demand falls and hence property prices started falling, thereby halting the refinancing frenzy.



• High risk customers started defaulting installments and banks started showing losses in their books, when the bank recalls the property to settle the loan it fetches far less prices than the loan amount.



• Banks starts to panic and approaches the all seeing insurance giants for assistance, they analyze that the crisis is too big to handle with their cash reserves, so they start to fall apart.



• More and more people starts defaulting installments, and this makes the situation worse.



• The honeymoon is over people start to realize that they don't have all
  that money to spend on unnecessary things and hence demand falls.



• When the demand falls, production gets cut down, people start loosing jobs
  this will create havoc in the manufacturing hubs.



• Now when the bank is already in a crisis they stop or reduce drastically the
  issuance of loans and credit cards.



• If loans are not issued people cant buy necessities like vehicles and homes again.



• When vehicle and home sales go down, steel consumption goes down, hence steel output is also slashed.



• This in turn effects the crude oil prices which keeps going down even after the production cuts.

This creates a scene of economic tsunami which starts effecting everything on its way. But the good part is any body who has liquid cash or easily cash able assets (gold, silver etc.) this is the time to invest when you can buy cheap really cheap and a piece of advice if you do invest don't watch the markets for another 1 year it might fluctuate more and more.

Some Interesting Websites to Download Free Podcasts

Iam not going to bore you with unintelligable introductions lets get to the point straight, most of these websites are educational, some are fiction, some are current affairs etc.

• This is a site containing all the weekend lectures on entreuprunership held at stanford, absolutely free, high quality and a great collection http://edcorner.stanford.edu/podcasts.html
  
• This is a website with classic books podcasts http://freeclassicaudiobooks.com/
  
• This is the link to my favorate inspirational speaker Mr. Robin Sharma, this link contains all the free short podcasts about various topics, it is just a teaser to make you buy the full version, but great stuff very inspirational, has a very realistic feel http://www.robinsharma.com/success_podcast_ic_2.htm

• This link takes you to the website for HBR (harvard business Review Podcasts) short audio clip with some interesting topics http://www.hbsp.harvard.edu/b02/en/hbr/hbr_ideacast.jhtml


• This link takes you to a directory of some major institutions podcast links http://www.oculture.com/2007/02/business_school.html


• University of Virginia Podcasts and webcasts http://www.virginia.edu/uvapodcast/search.php?keywords=cabell&submit=Go


• This is one site with some great podcats and audio versions for many books, very helpful http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/scores/top


• Another Great site with a great collection http://librivox.org/
  

I have taken a big risk by giving out all my information links, hope it becomes more useful for you than it has been for me.

Some Stupid Ideas to Irritate Tele Sales Executives

One thing that we all have in common other than Gmail accounts, orkut profiles, mobile phones and hatred for Shreeshanth and Himesh Reshamiya is being annoyed by Tele-sales calls. These range from selling credit cards to holidays, discount vouchers to club memberships, diet foods to cargo service what and what not. The worst thing is that they always have a knack in calling at the wrong time either while driving, eating lunch to talking to a customer or worse even when you are taking a sweet afternoon nap. Unless you are a tele-sales agent yourself everyone out there will agree with me. I have come across some really interesting ideas to irritate these callers, some are really stupid and others are worth a try.

1) Try selling them something of yours when they make this call, i.e i am interested in your credit cards but you will have to buy my home made prawns pickle first and these come in a case of 10 bottles heheheh. Be persistent in your sales pitch and see how annoyed they can be. (tried and tested )

2) Tell them how busy you are right now and ask them to leave their mobile numbers so that you can call them when they are having dinner. (yet to be tried)

3) Cut the phone when you are talking, this is a super cool idea, when they call back you can always annoy them by saying " Is this how your company has trained you, how dare you cut the call when iam talking, connect me to your manager let me have a word with him , this new generation kids no manners at all " hehehehe this can be hilarious

4) Tell them how you rally don't need that card or holiday or health food by bragging about your bottomless bank balance, month long private island tour and the six pack abs you flaunt at the beach. The more exaggerated the stories are the more irritating it will be.

These are just some stupid ideas and you will obviously have many more so don't hesitate to share them. But the irony out here is that we are the global back office employing millions to operate call centers for international customers world over. This article has been inspired by some readings over the net with some personal additions ( creatively plagiarized).

WOULD YOU TRY 1009 TIMES BEFORE YOU GAVE UP ?

Persistence and Determination is something inborn unarguably the most important ingredient to success. I have been fascinated by this character commonly found in the greatest entrepreneurs of our time, be it the 6000 trials done by Edison for the light bulb or the 100 loan applications rejected for Sabeer Bhatia.

But the truly greatest act of persisitence and unfortunately the least know can be bestowed upon Colonel Sanders the founder of KFC. Dont confuse this with my sever consumption of fast food or my passions towards fried chicken. He was 60 year old and living on a social security pension of 105 $ when he decide to do something about his situation. He identified that he had a really good recipe for fried chicken and strong will power which will not stop him from retiring at that age.

He decided to sell his recipe to restaurants and make a profit out of sharing the additional revenue made by his finger lickin good recipe. At the age of 60 he travelled around the country and visited 1009 outlets in 2 years before he signed his first successful contract. the rest is history KFC is one of the largest franchisee of fast food with over 33,000 outlets world over. This is truly inspiring for every one who gives up on the second sales meet, or the third interview.

Like Abishek Bachan says in GURU " mere himmath nahi cheen saktha hai, mera himmath sirf mera hai "

Egg white Omlette with Frozen Mushroom, Chopped Onions, Sliced Capsicum and a Layer of Cheese

Men and cooking have a love hate relationship from the time when women have started monopolising the craft. It is a proven fact that the best cooks in the world are men and they are just letting women do it at home, so they wont be so jobless and bored (this can be debated and proven any where). So in this post me the amatuer cook, the expert foodie and the worst guest for food ( nightmare) is trying my hand at teaching you how to cook egg white omlette with vegetables and cheese.

Ingredients

3 Egg

1 Peeled and chopped big onion

3 Sliced mushroom

1 Piece of capcicum sliced length wise

1 Slice of cheese

Salt to taste

Preperations

1) Break the omlettes and take the white liquid only into a glass ( use a spoon to remove the yolk)

2) Mix the chopped onion, sliced mushroom and capsicum to the glass

3) Stir properly ( 5 stirrings to the right and 4 to the left)

4) Add salt to taste

5) Heat the pan with a few drops of oil

6) Pour the mixture when the pan is heated and ready

7) when the omlette is hot and looks ready spread the cheese slice on top.

8) when the cheese starts melting fold the omlette from the side.

TADA THE EGG WHITE OMLETTE WITH VEGETABLE AND CHEESE IS READY

dont be surprised by the photo illustrations mine didnt look half as good and it even had a burned side and a war zone like kitchen to add to the trouble. if any one does take the risk to try this please tell me how it went.

10 Things I wish i Knew When i Was in College

If time machines had been invented by now the only place which will be more crowded than any other would be college campuses. It is a common belief that the best times spend in our lives are at college canteens, back benches, campus hotspots etc. and iam an ardent believer too. Those three years are so precious that iam ready to give thirty years (Just kidding) in return for all the fun to fall back. I have already finished 5 years out of campus in this evil competative helpless world and it still feels like yesterday when i felt the first breeze in the campus (enough melodrama for now). So now lets get to the point 10 things i wish knew when i was in college

1) What iam studying now will never be used and needed in the real world (sounds surprising but many of you can relate with this)

2) As long as you pass the exams nobody will ask your grades and percentages in college, somuch for all the extra effort and sleepless nights (trying to look studious) spend studying.

3) Should have made more and more friends because these are the ones who will stick with you throughout your life.

4) Economic theories and statistical equations are useless in real life unless you are part of toastmasters and is asked to speak about global recession when you can brag about all technical terms like DEMAND, SUPPLY,GDP, GNP etc....

5) The university will be really slow in processing degree certificates and if you miss the first chance to apply there are high chances you will never get them, like me (my dad still thinks i messed up my degree because i dont have a certificate yet)

6)CAT, MAT, ZAT etc are three letter words and not end of days and you will have really low chances when all the jobless engineers with their high expertise in maths and data interpretation are there to compete (now you know i didnt make the CAT list also)

7) The real world outside is very mean and ruthless and college is the only place where you wont get crucified for mistakes and carelessness. so it is the last heaven on earth.

8) Should have fallen in love head over heels with someone for the sake of it and college romance is something i really missed on (that is if you dont consider all the failed infactuations, crushed crushes and one sided admirations). So if you are out there now catch the first cute girl near you and propose her on your knees.

9) Bunking classes were the best things to do, so i culd have had more of those delicious egg puffs, choclate choos and hot cakes from the canteen ( me the foodaholic or food maniac) dont repent on bunking classes you wont learn anything usefull sitting in there.

10) I would miss college life so much that i will spen a boring hour writing a blog about it, which some other bored college drp outs will spend time reading on

Thnk u Thnk U

A World without Auto Spell Check

Off late i have been bothered by my deteriorating vocabulary skills and the vilain in this story is none other than Windows auto spell check. It is getting so bad that iam finding it difficult to comprehend basic words and its phonetics.

Another enemy to my word skills is google talk, chatting has become so regular and words have started loosing spellings in between to make them look hep and happening. If i were chatting the same sentence before this will be something like this "anthr enmy 2 my wrd skl is gtlk, chttng hs bcm so rglr and wrds hve strted lsing splngs in btwn to mke thm lk hep and hpning" see the difference in style and the complete absence of respect to spelling.

This is a disastor, ok now iam confused about the word disastor i think i will give my memory a test befor pressing the EVIL spell check button, is it disastor or disastour or as per my Gtalk skills shouldnt it be disastr.

This has even started creeping into my business letters, sometime my buy and by gets mixed up and the customer who was planning to place an order will consider it as a farewell remark see how bad it can get. We should write a joint petition to abolish spell check, then it might have repurcussions think about all the street smart business man surviving on spell checks on correspondence. We can even start anew industry of spelling courses with am annual exam to identify the best spellers. I think the spell check is getting out of hand if i dont stop this now the evil spell check lobby might take care of me for good.

My All Time Favorate Copy

This is from the Appple Campaign called Think Different, "Here's to the Crazy Ones", written by a Chiat/Day copywriter, Craig Tanimoto check out the amazing video for this on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oAB83Z1ydE&feature=related

Why Blog ?

This is a question i have asked myself before starting this blog a couple of times. To make things worse i have a habit of deleting a blog over and again and don't be surprised that this is my third blog and fourth if i eventually delete this after writing all these crap. this will give you a vague idea about my unending dilemmas and confused character. so lets come back to the point Why Blog, before that let me give you a brief history of this blog name and the title you see above, this title has been inspired by (Anu Malik fame) i.e. copied from a friends original and brilliant idea. so that solves the copy right issues involved in my blogging.

What to Expect ?

to my prospective blog readers i will hopefully give you a regular update of all the interesting data i come across the web, unending inspirational materials, interesting facts, theories, creative plagiarism etc etc. hopefully i will also give you an insight into my day to day hypocrisy which i believe will be experienced by some of you at some point of time. If you are lucky you will not have to bear with all the failed poems (cat is rat, rat is bat type), stories without theme and motive, i will pray you will not have to come across that in this life. As i am a self confessed ad buff you will be able to see what i like, what inspires me what could have been done better etc. etc. so in short this will be a journal of all the things or at least some of the things that goes through this hollow brain. MAY GOD SAVE YOU ALL !!!!!